Watching Sitcoms

More from our friend, Sandy the Reality TV Guru:

Things are looking up on The Bachelorette as we finally leave the snow and cold behind and head for Spain. Too bad Wes the Douche is still hanging around but we’ll catch up with him later. First up is Kiptyn the Molester in Madrid. Jillian meets up with him and takes him to watch some Flamenco dancers. Unbeknownst to Kippy, this date isn’t just about taking in some Spanish culture but rather to partake in it. And Jillian has absolutely no rhythm so you have to wonder why she’d agree to this but they are going to learn how to do the Flamenco and don the costumes and everything. Apparently Kiptyn the Molester gave the producers the wrong measurements because the outfit they put on him was two sizes too small, especially the pants, especially in the crotch area. When they did that voiceover where Jillian said she got to see a little more of Kiptyn on that date I think everyone who was watching was thinking the same thing. We all got to see a little more of Kiptyn in those pants.

So after making fools of themselves attempting to dance, Jillian and Kiptyn meet up later on for an evening dinner date. To get to the restaurant, the producers decide it might be a good idea to send them off on a motor scooter through the busy streets of Madrid. Dumb move. They’re both lucky they survived it. But the parking job in front of the restaurant was kind of funny. It was like an inexperienced sailor trying to dock a boat. During the dinner, Jillian tries to get as much information from him as is possible on this type of show. Perhaps she’s a little nervous about the fact that he pretty much admitted earlier on during the day that a proposal just doesn’t seem feasible at the end of this thing. They’ve set Kiptyn up as the guy who’s never had his heart broken and who can’t see the possibility of himself proposing at the end of this thing. Now if I know anything about this show, that means that Kiptyn will be coming in as number two and will be turned down after he gets down on one knee to propose to Jillian. You can almost bank on it.

What surprised me most about this episode is that they pulled out the old fantasy suite cards during the dinner dates. Now this is always reserved for the final 3 and this is the part of the show where they are given the opportunity to get naked and “really get to know each other”. Since we are only at final four, they are apparently giving Jillian two opportunities to get busy with the boys. “Hot Tub Harris” is really getting a bad reputation on this show. Anyway, I guess she realizes how weird this would be for the show and her reputation if she were to not only sleep with 3 different guys but rather 4, 3 of them at least twice. That’s a little too much even for Canadian television. So she decides to decline the fantasy suite with Kiptyn but tells him that she’ll basically catch up with him next week…wink wink.

So next up we have Reid the Realtor. Reid has been rather slow coming around and Jillian always seems to have to prompt him to say stuff. I think Reid is just more concerned about what germs may be on his hands or…god forbid…on hers to really get into this thing. They meet up in Seville and decide to go shopping for groceries for a picnic lunch. It’s kind of cute to watch them both try to purchase food without speaking the language and they do seem to have a natural easiness and playfulness about their relationship so if Reid ends up being the final one I would not be surprised. I think we’ve missed a lot of the story between Reid and Jillian and that usually means that he just might be the final one. I’m still pulling for Ed but I can see the possibility that it is Reid. I hope she’s stocked up on the sanitizer.

They also meet up for an evening dinner and Jillian pulls more “feelings” out of Reid. She basically gets him to admit that he’s the type of guy who moves slow in relationships but he just doesn’t want to be left behind because the other guys might tell her things just because it’s what she wants to hear. Actually that was a pretty good way of keeping yourself in there without lying about your undying love for a complete stranger. Nice play Reid. He tells her that it sucks to know she’s going on these dates with 3 other guys and also admits that he’s a little jealous. So Jillian pulls out the fantasy suite card and while Reid is all for getting naked, she turns him down too. Ouch…that has to hurt.

We move on to Normal Ed and his normal self next. He meets up with Jillian for a carriage ride through Seville and we hear more blah blah blah talk about Ed and his job. We hear all about how much they missed each other and it just goes on ad nauseum and I just don’t want to hear any more about how he left and came back. We all know it was a producer set up so let’s just get on with it already. Well this date goes along swimmingly when they get out of the carriage and start walking through a fountain and getting soaking wet while making out under the spewing water. The camera pans over to a group of locals just standing there gawking at them and well who wouldn’t? They looked like they were filming a porn movie there with Jillian in her see through white shirt. Oh Jillian, when will you ever learn? And why weren’t there any hot Spanish guys in any of those scenes of the locals? I got ripped off.

Anyway, then Jillian and Ed move on to their evening dinner date and they have meaningful conversation while Normal Ed looks everywhere but at Jillian while talking to her. I’m finding it very strange now that he can’t seem to make direct eye contact with her. I’m starting to doubt that he’s going to end up being the final one until the fantasy date card makes it’s appearance and Jillian decides that she’s had enough with these frustrating fully clothed dates and decides to spend the night with Ed to “get caught up on all they missed while he was gone” and sleep “with their clothes on”. Yep…right…okay then. Whatever you say there Hot Tub Harris. Okay maybe Ed is back in as the final one after all. And if not, Jillian’s got some ‘splaining to do to the guy that she did pick that she decided to give Normal Ed an extra tumble.

Once again we get to the part of the show that we’ve all been waiting for. Wes the Douche and his tacky western shirts hit the streets of Barcelona. This guy can’t dress and his “five o’clock shadow” is now hitting about ten o’clock but he‘s still got the cockiness of someone who thinks he‘s a real lady killer…and it’s just so douchey. He shows up for the date looking like he hasn’t shaved since Canada and this look is not very flattering on him considering that his beard is coming in with a lot of grey and he just looks dirty and unkept. I truly think that’s the look he’s going for. I’m sure he thinks all the ladies go for that….ewwww.
So he and Jillian hop on some of those old fashioned looking bikes that are so popular in Europe and go bike riding around the streets of Barcelona. They stop off at a gazebo and have a little picnic lunch where Wes the Douche proceeds to avoid Jillian like the plague.

Dinner later is just as awkward and Jillian really puts him on the spot about his reasons for coming on the show. Well at least she does the best she can with the poor acting skills that she has. Wes pretty much lets her and the rest of us know that his manager arranged for him to go on the show and he’s apparently bailing at this point before things get a little more intense and…well naked. I suppose his girlfriend wouldn’t be too happy about that prospect. Although he does agree to the date card naked fest. But Jillian just says perhaps it’s better if they skip it and puts him in a cab to end the evening. I wonder just how much he was paid to be on the show until final four. I hope it was worth it because they really gave him a bad edit.

On to the most non dramatic rose ceremony ever. Everyone knows that Wes the Douche is finally getting the cut and Jillian shows up looking like a peacock exploded on her. Gotta say that dress was an unfortunate choice. So while the boys are standing there, ABC decides to get one last jab in at Wes the Douche by airing his conversation with the other guys during the rose ceremony. He tells them that it’s probably him going and that’s okay because he’s going to be getting a lot of sex back home. Tacky and distasteful yes…surprising no. After Wes gets the cut, things get a little more awkward when Jillian has to take over the reins for a mysteriously missing Chris Harrison. Then it dawns on me that he hasn’t been anywhere on the show. I guess he was too busy to be bothered going to Spain. So Jillian walks Wes the Douche out to his waiting limo and it appears I was wrong. ABC pulls one more fast one on Wes by pouring him lots of alcohol and driving him around in circles for hours until they get some really good and douchey sound bites from him. It was not pretty and I’m pretty sure that Wes might have lost a few fans after last night’s episode.

Next week we’re off to Hawaii and we finally get to peep in on a little nakedness. It’s been a long time coming and I’m sure it’s going to be very anti-climatic after the most boring season ever on the show but of course we’ll all be tuning in. If for nothing else than to see Kiptyn the Molester’s 47 pack…gotta admit the boy’s fit even if his ears do make him look like Dumbo. They’re going to need to promote him as a good catch for the next season of the Bachelor so I’m expecting lots of gratuitous nakedness from him…I just hope he’s wearing a hat because those ears are a distraction. While he’s not my cup of tea, I suppose that’s the best we’re going to get so let‘s get busy in Hawaii. At this point, the show just can’t end soon enough for me.