Watching Sitcoms

Another wonderful installment from Sandy the Reality TV Guru updating us on this week’s episode of The Bachelorette.

Apparently we’re going to be getting a full out tour of British Columbia during this season of the Bachelorette so in keeping with the usual tourist spots in that beautiful Canadian province, albeit snowy and cold in the mountains during the winter, we’re off to Whistler. I really would like to know how much the 2010 Olympics is paying the show for a little free advertising of the next winter games.

This week the boys are in for two one-on-one dates and one group date. Since the numbers are dwindling, everyone gets to participate. Which is good since we still have to figure out who the douche with the girlfriend back home is…but will we? Of course not.

First up on the one-on-one date is Michael the Break Dancer. Not sure how his new boy toy Tanner the Foot Fetish Serial Killer feels about this but Michael seems to be thrilled because he says he has a “crush” on Jillian. At 25, he is the youngest guy there but he acts more like 12 and his enthusiasm and complete dorkiness is infectious and kind of annoying all at the same time. I can see why Jillian likes to keep him hanging around. He makes her feel 12 too…and since she looks about 12 it all fits. The date consists of more zip lining but this time there is actually some zip in the line. And they scream and squeal like schoolchildren the whole time so they seem to be forming a pretty good friendship. But no one’s kidding anyone if they’re thinking that Jillian has any serious romantic thoughts about Michael the Break Dancer. Or Tanner the Foot Fetish Serial Killer for that matter. I think even she knows they are destined to be together which is why she is keeping them around. She wants them to be her best “gay couple” friends when this thing is over so she’s keeping them so they can spend more time getting to know each other. The whole date was just a whirlwind of fun and giggles and of course Michael got the rose so he’ll be hanging around another week. After five weeks, neither of these guys has even tried to go in for a kiss so that should tell the story right there. But they are always good for comic relief and the show in general. I still hope they get their own sitcom after this.

The group date this week was another typical Canadian past time, one girl and 8 guys going snowmobiling. Now I can actually vouch for this one because I’ve done it. Although I was only able to scrounge up 4 guys but I know that 8 or more is possible. Any chick with a bunch of snowmobiles just hanging around her chalet up here is going to have a lot of male attention. But of course this show is on a tight budget so they only have enough machines for everyone to have to double up again. Just like the little electric cars on the very first episode. They never show it but I can imagine how funny it is to watch these guys deciding who is going to drive and who gets to ride shotgun on the back. They did show Jake the Pilot immediately saying “I’m driving” as soon as they were told what they were doing. Well duh…he FLIES PLANES for cripes sakes. There’s no way he’s going to put his life in the hands of some dude who’s never driven one of these things. Pilots are used to being in control of other people’s lives. He needs to start controlling mine…pronto. Not trying to set the female race back a century here but I’d really be okay being controlled and driven around by Jake the Pilot on anything really. Call me Jake…my number’s in the book. Okay now where was I?

Oh yes, so they all get on snowmobiles and drive around the cold and snowy forest. Another riveting date if ever I saw one. These guys must be really pissed about signing up for this season. This is the lowest budget season so far and these guys are spending way too much time in ski pants and full clothing for my taste, and probably for theirs also. So they stop the machines in the forest and Jillian gets to talk to each one of them and try to figure out who has the chick waiting back home. Does she find out? No. Wes the Douche (okay this time he plugged his own crappy CD) once again tells her all the things she wants to hear and we get no closer to the truth. Does anyone even care about this storyline any more? No. I want Wes the Douche to take his lame guitar playing azz back to Texas and the probable Hooter’s chick who‘s dutifully waiting for his return. He’s really not even interesting as the villain in a bad story line on a reality dating show. I’m sure he’d be less entertaining as a musician.

The date ends with a bonfire and drinking festival outside the chalet. The guys are all sitting around in their ski wear, in the snow, and drinking shots from a bar carved from more snow. And off to the side looking miserable is the one normal guy there who has to be taking this all in and thinking “what the hell have I gotten myself into here?” Yes folks, Normal Ed has had enough of this nonsense. He’s left a demanding job back home for this and he’s watching the girl that he has feelings for, dancing and stomping across that bizarre bar made of ice and snow to the cat calls of 7 other guys. He’s in a nightmare and he needs an escape. So the producers give him one. “Okay Ed, let’s pretend that your boss is really ticked off that you’re taking all this time off and pretend that he’s given you an ultimatum to come back to work or be out of a job. Then you can leave the show and cause some drama, only to return at a later date when Jillian has had a chance to get rid of all the other fodder. Then you’ll only be competing with a couple of other decent guys. What do you say Ed? Will you come back later and pick up where you left off?” “Oh and if she doesn’t choose you in the end, we’ll consider you for our next Bachelor. It’s a win win Ed…so how about it?”. And poor Ed seems to have taken the bait. Nothing will ever be normal for him again. I feel sorry for Ed. I really hoped he’d get out of this thing with his priorities in tact but I’m starting to fear for him now.

So Jillian talks to Ed and he tells her what’s going on. She overacts this scene and the one to come but she gives Ed the date rose and tells him that she wants him to stay but he has to make the decision for himself. We’ll catch up with the dramatic hotel room scene where Ed makes his temporary exit later.

The last one-on-one date is with Jesse the Pizza Delivery guy. I really don’t know what “pizza entrepreneur” means so I’m assuming he was delivering pizzas before the show started and they just glorified the title. Sort of like I’m like the Executive Director of Household Management here at home. For this date, they’re going to fly via small plane (why didn’t Jake get the plane flying date? They could have saved money by having him fly it himself) to a large glacier in northern B.C. Great…more snow and more clothes. Now we really haven’t seen much of Jesse at all. The last show was the first many people even noticed him…and he wore a stupid cap and was on the group date so he didn’t stand out at all. He’s kind of cute with a different sort of look but he’s not the one that would stand out in this group…well at least not until this date. He was adorable and charming cuddling up in the plane, romping in the snow and while the hot tub scene at the end was pretty tame compared to the one last season that got her the name “Hot Tub Harris”, the gratuitous male nakedness was a nice break in the sea of ski suits. And of course, now that they’ve got women sitting up and taking notice of Jesse the Pizza Delivery Guy, he’ll be fodder soon. But for now he gets a rose and will get to play at least one more week.

Meanwhile, back at the chalet, Ed has some serious thinking to do. And he decides that he must leave and return to work. Jillian is dragged to his room to overact the scene in which he tells her he’s leaving. He really is normal so his lines are so fake and obvious they are almost laughable. But he doesn’t give her back the rose, he tells her he wants to keep it. Hmmm…wonder why? *insert big eye roll here*.

With Ed gone and only one guy left to get the cut, Jillian decides once again that the cocktail party is unnecessary and we cut right to the final rose ceremony. As we glance across the line-up of douche bags, actors and my beautiful Jake, everyone’s eyes must have been pulled to Mark. Who you ask? Exactly. Bye Mark. I’d like to say it was nice knowing you but we really don’t. You really got screwed in the edit on this show.

We’re down to 8 guys left on the show. For me, it seems like a huge number…I’m sure they’ve been cut faster in previous seasons. I guess when they can do these things on such a low budget, they can afford to keep more guys there longer. This season seems to be never ending. I can’t even remember what’s on tap for next week, or maybe I just left the room before they showed it because I am so uninterested at this point.

One thing I know for sure is that Normal Ed will be back. They haven’t finished messing with him yet.