Watching Sitcoms

So this is it, the final show of season 8 on American Idol. All these weeks and months of waiting and watching to see what Adam Lambert would do next are over. The saddest part for me is that I won’t see Adam again every week, no matter who wins.

I want to start watching late so I have the power of fast forward, but I think live is probably better. Ryan Seacrest says there were just under 100 million votes.

First off, we visit Conway, AR where Mikalah Gordon is hanging with the crowd. Then San Diego, CA, with Carly Smithson. Yuck! Were these two the best they could do? Oh for the days of Matt Rogers.

Moving on to the first group song, we have the Top 13. Is it just me or is anyone else wondering who all these people are again? I notice lots of Adam closeups during the song, but I’m not even sure where Kris is in all that crowd.

Next we have David Cook singing “Permanent.” I want to concentrate on David, but all I can see are those annoying swaybots. Why are they still there? Why does Idol think that having swaybots in the stage pit is a good idea? Really, I wanna know, who thinks that way? Whose idea was it in the first place? Has that person been fired yet?

Now we’re on to the silly Golden Idol Awards. You can really tell that Ryan Seacrest loves all this stuff. He’s such a complete dork. The first is for Outstanding Male and it goes to Nick Mitchell aka Normund Gentle. As it should. I love Nick. I wish he was going on the tour instead of . . .oh, just about anyone but Adam.

Lil Rounds is next singing with Queen Latifah. Lil looks good, Latifah looks a little wrong. I want to like Lil, and this definitely isn’t her worst performance. But she’s just never lived up to all the early potential I saw in her.

Next its Jason Mraz with Anoop Desai and Alexis Grace, who are then joined by the other nine Idols who aren’t in the Top 2. This was actually fun and the best part for me was that Jason sang more that Anoop and Alexis.

Ryan asks for Kris Allen’s fans in the audience to shout out. There is a low rumble. Then we see a video of Kris’s Idol journey and Kris duets on Kiss a Girl with Keith Urban. Since when does Kris sing country music? To me, Kris actually sounds better than Keith, but then there’s nothing I hate more than country music. Nothing.

Now we get all the girls on Glamorous. Megan is just soooo bad. They add Fergie. The only person who seems to be having a good time at this point is Allison Iraheta. Next they add the Black Eyed Peas. This is all just so much not my kind of music. Oops, what was that little drop of music and video? Was something naughty going on?? Well, it could have lasted longer for me. Am I the only person who thinks that this all looks and sounds ridiculous? I fear for the youth of today.

Back to the Golden Idols, we have Best Attitude and the award goes to Katrina Darrell, otherwise known as bikini girl. She is still in a bikini, which really grosses me out. Ryan makes the same “what’s new?” joke that he made to Kelly Pickler last year, referring to some possible enhancements. Still not funny. Then Katrina kisses Ryan and he does kiss her back. Ew, double gross. Katrina sings and she actually sounds better than Megan. Maybe she can go on the tour instead. Then Kara comes out from behind her singing. Katrina is not pleased. Finally, Kara pulls open her dress and is wearing a bikini. Or is that her underwear? Whatever. But I have to say, this almost makes up for how much I hated Kara all season.

Allison Iraheta is up next singing Time After Time with Cyndi Lauper. CYNDI LAUPER!! I actually jumped up in my seat and yelled out, “YES!” Allison sounds amazing and, well, Cyndi Lauper. I love it!

Ryan checks in with the Allens and they are very gracious. Then the Lamberts, but he doesn’t give them enough time to be adorable as he did the Allens.

Next up is Danny Gokey with Hello. Lionel Ritchie? Maybe David Cook? Nope, it is Lionel, but I’m thinking Cookie would have been better, cause Danny does not deservbe to sing calypso or to dance “all night long” since dancing is not his forte. This makes me a little sad, since Danny’s voice deserves better. Oooh, Ruben Studdard in the house. See, he would have been better with Danny, they could have done some nice soulful gospel.

Ryan asks the crowd to shout for Adam. Nearly deafening. Adam hasn’t even started to sing yet and the crowd is already on their feet. He sings Beth, wearing lots of black leather with these rhinestone studded shoulder thingies, he’s just, um, and plus with the guy liner that looks like it has little crystals in it. I can’t describe him. Then he introduces KISS, who descend from the ceiling, just like the good old days, admist smoke and fireworks and lights, with a medley of Detroit Rock City and Rock and Roll All Night. Wow, this really fits Adam. He needs to bring all this kind of music back and if anyone can, it’s him. Now, look there’s a tongue, so people can just stop hating on Adam’s tongue.

So tell me, after all that, can anyone remember what Kris even sang? Who’s the real superstar here? Please.

Now we have Santana with Smooth, joined by the not so in tune Idols. Boy, this is gonna be one fun concert.

Then the final Ford commerical showing clips of all the vids, with Adam and Kris singing I Wil Remember You. David Cook then presents both boys with silver Ford Fusion Hybrids. Adam says, “this is some vehicle.” That could mean so many things.

Steve Martin’s band comes out and plays some bluegrass for Michael Sarver and Megan Corkrey (I still refuse to call her Megan Joy). So Steve Martin is the best singer they could get for these two? No matter, it all makes sense since neither Michael nor Megan can carry a tune anyway. The band sounded good. I guess the only reason Steve Martin put himself through this is cause he needs to promote his new CD. Poor Steve.

Now the guys come out singing Do You Think I’m Sexy. Scott MacIntyre should never, ever be singing this song. It was a little terrifying for me. But we do get Rod Stewart, looking scarily like Barry Manilow to me somehow, singing Maggie May. No, this isn’t right. Rod, who does not have to share the Idol stage and spotlight with any of the Idols, is sounding just a little thin and reedy at first. OK, he gets better, but still, I think I would have preferred to remember he as he was.

Oooh, Bo Bice sighting!

Rod attempts to give the swaybots a little clapping lesson, but I could have told him, there is no help for them.

We have the final Golden Idol for Outstanding Female and, of course, it has to go to Tatiana del Toro. There was a little funny shtick here, where Ryan tells her they are out of time and will give her the award later and she runs on stage to grab the award, singing and trying to get away from the security guys who eventually pull her out. No wait, that wasn’t funny at all.

For the final number of the night, we have a Kris/Adam duet (Or Kradam, if you prefer) of We Are the Champions, and they joined by Queen and backed up the remaining Idols and an entire choir of back up singers. This was clearly more Adam’s thing, but Kris wasn’t bad, just kinda lost in the shuffle somehow and buried under the music and Adam’s clear tones.

It’s exactly 10 pm East coast time and they are just about to get to the results.

The winner is . . . Kris Allen. I knew it, I called it before Danny was voted off. I’m glad for Kris, really, and very happy that Adam doesn’t have to sing that awful song again.