Watching Sitcoms

And here's a picture of Ragin' Dave. I know he looks kinda hot but don't let that fool you...he's a psycho.

Things are heating up in the old tool shed and we might just have our first ever arrest on The Bachelorette. Dave’s rage and obvious dislike for all things Juan are once again taking precedence over the fact that Jillian is a kissing bandit. In fact, the only one she hasn’t planted one on at this point is Ragin’ Dave and from the previews for next week, it doesn’t look like he’s going to be getting any love anytime soon. I’m concerned for Dave, he might just self destruct…or at least that one eye that keeps twitching is going to pop right out of his head without warning.

I’ve been championing “Normal Ed” since the very first cocktail party and he finally got a chance to spend some one on one time with Jillian. They took a helicopter ride over LA and landed on top of a building to zip line down to the pool on the ground level. Isn’t that what most people do on a first date? Normal Ed was scared crapless. I know he was trying to man up but the dude was terrified. And to make matters worse, once they got themselves on those zip lines there was very little zip. They took a slow ride down the side of a building just dangling for what seemed like forever. If Ed had an issue with heights before, he’s definitely still having nightmares about that one. So they jumped into the pool where Jillian replayed her Hot Tub Harris scene with the leg straddle and then they had dinner. Lots of banter and kisses later, Ed was sporting the rose and heading home with Jillian to the mansion. I was right about Ed. He’s definitely my number 2 guy after Jake the Pilot.

Meanwhile back at the tool shed, the boys were hanging out and listening to the never ending song in progress from Wes (still not gonna plug his website) the Singing Douche. He’s been writing a song for Jillian since this thing started. He’s got about two lines finished. I guess he’s expecting to hang around for a while because he seems to have developed writer’s block. But I’ve heard those two lines about 700 times now so I can imagine how the guys are feeling about listening to it over and over.

While the guys are trying to put on their best “interested” face during the guitar solos, the next date card shows up. 11 of them are going on a group date and three are staying home. Lucky for those three, Wes the Singing Douche had to put down the guitar to go on the group date. But lucky for Juan the fake Spanish ladies man, Ragin’ Dave had to stay home. I swear they’re just messing with him now. Apparently Dave is not used to not being the centre of attention. And it’s killing him. I’m sure he’ll get lots of attention from his fellow inmates once he snaps a gasket and goes postal on the whole lot of them.

Carrying on with the western theme that seems to be prominent on the show this season, the boys and Jillian head off to an old western movie set. They’re suited up and given scripts for their “scenes” and almost every one of those scenes involves kissing Jillian. This little Canadian is getting around. I don’t know whether to be disturbed by the impression she is giving of all Canadian women or whether I should give her a high five for her promiscuity. Oh what the heck, high fives. It’s cold up here. We spend a lot of time indoors. Take from that what you will.

So as I’ve said, practically all the scenes involved someone kissing Jillian with the exception of one. For that one we’re getting a scene from Brokeback Mountain. I was thrilled that they picked Michael the Break Dance Instructor but I was very disappointed that they didn’t pair him up with Tanner the Foot Fetish Serial Killer. As far as I’m concerned those guys are a couple already so the scene would have been epic. But instead Speedo Mike got to play Ennis to Tanner’s Jack. Michael was very convincing in his role and I think we’ve figured out his reason for doing this show…he’s a great comic actor. I actually hope he does get something after this is said and done. He’s obvious fodder but I think if he teams up with Tanner and they get an apartment in LA the sky’s the limit. I would watch a show with those two just playing themselves, or at least the characters they’ve decided to portray for this show. Tanner’s “toe sucking” dance that he showed off later at the cocktail party was hysterically disturbing. So Robby the Bartender, inventor of the Rosmo that had Jillian a little more than tipsy at the last cocktail party, gives Jillian the best on camera kiss and therefore gets the date rose and a trip home with Jilly to the mansion.

Of course at one point during this group date, Wes the Singing Douche (CD available) just has to pull Jillian aside with a dose of his country boy “charm” which is starting to translate into aggressive, stalkerish behaviour. This guy just gives me the creeps. The previews for next week show the confrontation about some of the guys not being there “for the right reasons” and that some of them have girlfriends waiting for them back home so I’m hoping Wes the Singing Douche and his crappy two line song get the old heave ho back to Austin and his Hooter’s girlfriend. He has to have a Hooter’s girlfriend…it just oozes out of him.

Cut back to the tool shed and the three guys are just hanging around while Ed is lounging by the pool up in the mansion. The final date card shows up and it’s a one on one date for Sasha. I don’t think I’ve mentioned Sasha before. There is a reason for that. He’s nothing special and Jillian finds this out for herself. They went to a car museum and looked around at a bunch of cars and then he was given the choice to choose between an old classic car or a Ferrari to drive to their dinner date. He chose the Ferrari and raced through the streets of LA without a care. Then he spent most of the date talking about how he was in a car accident at 18 years old that almost killed him. While Jillian struggled to look interested in what he was saying, it was obvious that she was calculating in her head just what she was going to say when she didn’t give him the rose and sent him home. But obviously the producers were concerned about Sasha’s driving habits too because when she walked him to the curb he was picked up by a city bus!! That was definitely one of the funniest moments ever on this show.

Then we were subject to the douchiest move ever on any of the Bachelor or Bachelorette seasons. And that’s a hard thing to top but Wes the Singing Douche managed it. After Jillian returned from putting Sasha on that bus, he decides to head up to the mansion with his guitar and serenade her below her balcony with the two lines of his unfinished song. And in an unprecedented move, she invites him up to sit with her on her balcony…while she’s got two other guys in the mansion who she gave the roses to so that they could be spending time with her! Not cool Jillian. And seriously, you’re Canadian. What happened to your douchedar? You’ve got to be able to see right through this guy. It was a producer set up right? Had to be.

And finally, on to the cocktail party. These two hour shows are a killer. But the cocktail parties on The Bachelorette are always more amusing than the ones on The Bachelor. Guys just can’t seem to handle their obvious hatred for each other and while most of the guys were trying to keep in what they were thinking, Ragin’ Dave was fully loaded and ready to roll. And by fully loaded I mean this guy likes to drink…a lot. And he raged through the entire party. He called out Juan on his “insincerity” and while surprisingly a few of the others agreed, at least they were able to keep it civil. Ragin’ Dave was uttering threats left and right at Juan and I honestly don’t know why the cops weren’t called. If I were Juan I would have called them just to get Dave the heck out of there. In hindsight I bet he’s wishing he did. And Ragin’ Dave didn’t just stop with Juan. He raged at anyone who dared to disagree with him. And then he tried to turn on the charm when Jillian finally took him aside to talk to him alone. But all he could muster up was how this is difficult for him because he’s used to been the “top man” (not sure if that was a broke back reference?) and the centre of attention and he’s not getting any attention from her. Wrong approach there, Ragin’ Dave.

Since Sasha was already eliminated earlier on, Jillian only had to eliminate two guys at the final rose ceremony. I can’t believe how slow this season is going. It seems like she’s still got more guys hanging around than the other Bachelorettes had to begin with. So she got rid of Brad and another Tanner guy. Again, just fodder and not interesting enough to have the producers force her to keep them around. There is no question in my mind that they forced her to keep Ragin’ Dave for the unpredictable story line that he has created and while she waited to call his name until the very last rose, you could see she could barely get the name out and was pissed at having to keep him in there. He, on the other hand, almost self destructed right there while waiting for her to call his name. And the previews for next week show her refusing to kiss him so I’m sure there’s much more in store for us with Ragin’ Dave.

What I missed the most however was any real face time for my future husband Jake the Pilot. He didn’t get to go on any of the dates so he was relegated to background scenes for most of the show. But the few glimpses I got of him were glorious. And he appears to figure more prominently next week when one of the guys (possibly Foot Fetish Tanner) outs some of the others for having girlfriends. Jake seems to get rather annoyed with this revelation and gets a little vocal. The super sleuths don’t see Jake making it as far as the final four so I’m not sure what is going to happen with him. Either he is one of the guys who turns out to have a girlfriend or he might be someone who chooses to bail because of all the drama. It will be interesting to see why he doesn’t make it to final four if that is in fact true. But that’s okay because as soon as I see that he’s out, I can book my flight to LA to go and find him.